for whatever reason, i’m fixating on the rememberance of my high school graduation.
it’s upsetting to me that i can’t place my ‘feelings’ of the moment; i can remember the ceremony itself, i remember having my special medal for graduating with honors, i remember hat tossing, but i almost don’t remember anything afterwards. i’m certain i saw my friends eventually, of course. but what about right after? in my heart of hearts i imagine (hardly remembering) myself driving home, feeling relief. but i can’t remember the feeling.
most of mississippi in rememberance remains a sensory perception to me. i remember the cold tile floors and the air pressure after the heat of outside, the wetness of a storm, the dimly lit by computer screen darkness of my queer cyborg computer room of my destroyed house.
i can still feel the coldness of driving to david’s house with my windows down, but for the most monumental occasions like graduation i can’t locate my feelings.
i’m sure that, however, after taking five years to graduate HS i felt relief.
i know that i’m feeling this way presently because i want to graduate from college ASAP….
